


The Great Beard Experiment

by Nutriyum_Addict



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Beards (Facial Hair), F/M, Family Fluff, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 01:25:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6495349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutriyum_Addict/pseuds/Nutriyum_Addict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short Ben/Leslie ficlet dedicated to Adam Scott’s beard.</p><p>Ben Wyatt--husband, father, brother, and congressman--decides to grow a beard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Beard Experiment

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Adam Scott's recent appearance on Conan.
> 
> Bookwormm03 was my partner in crime here. We messaged back and forth over the ramifications of Ben growing an Adam Scott-esque beard that directly influenced this silliness! :)

It kind of starts as an experiment.

During his first August recess from Congress, Ben gets on Skype one afternoon with Henry and is thoroughly amused by his older brother’s attempt to grow a beard.

Henry’s facial hair is sparse and patchy and maybe it’s Ben’s competitive nature (kicked into overdrive because it’s his older brother he’s trying to one-up), but he just knows he could grow a better beard.

He says as much.

“Bro. I could grow a much better beard than that.”

Henry snorts from Ben’s laptop screen. “Highly doubtful, dude.”

“Just watch,” Ben promises. He can _super_ grow a beard.

And so he does.

 * * * * *

At first, he’s just scruffy.

Leslie likes it and the kids don’t really notice. Honestly, it’s like any other weekend he gets a little lazy and decides not to shave.

Sonia and the boys giggle when he very lightly nuzzles into them with his scruff. His wife giggles when he does the same to her.

Ben likes it too, so he decides to keep going.

 * * * *

Three weeks in, Henry gives up and shaves his off. He _facetimes_ Ben while he’s out at the store with Stephen and Ben smirks at his facial hair victory right in the cereal aisle. He buys a bottle of champagne and that night he and Leslie pop it open after the kids go to bed and they celebrate his beard-victory.

 * * * * *

The night before they head back to Washington, Ben stares at his reflection in the mirror.

He’s kind of going to miss it. It’s been five weeks and his beard is short, but full and majestic. It looks dignified with a small grey streak in it. Manly. He lathers up his face and then…he just can’t do it.

“Hey babe?”

“Huh?” Leslie pokes her head in the bathroom door. “Oh, goodbye sexy beard. I’m going to miss pirate night. And the way your face tickles my thighs.”

“Well, about all that. What do you think if I were to keep going? Just for a little while longer. I kind of, um, I think I kind of like it.”

“Oh,” she says looking surprised. Leslie makes a face like she’s thinking. “You’d look like a sexy lumberjack.”

“I thought I was a pirate?” He asks.

“We could add a lumberjack night.”

He smiles. “That sounds fun. But, the real question–-does this also work for a Congressman?”

“Sure! It looks great, babe! Like a sexy, dignified congressman. Keep it if you want,” she says, walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his waist from behind.

“Yeah?”

She nods and kisses his shoulder. “Yeah.”

* * * * *

April sends him a text after she sees him on TV and tells him he shouldn’t even bother unless it’s a beard of bees.

Ron sends a bottle of Scotch and congratulates him on his ability to grow proper facial hair.

* * * * *

Two months later, Ben is in his car, about two miles from his office when the smell hits him. Or rather, he identifies why he’s still smelling Leslie even though she left for work an hour before he did.

His beard.

His dark, bushy beard is covered in his wife’s scent. That morning after he’d gotten out of the shower, they’d had sex and he’d spent awhile going down on her.

“Good lord,” he mumbles, as he makes the first possible u-turn and starts heading back home. He can’t go into work with a beard that smells like pussy.

When he finally makes it into the office, his facial hair freshly shampooed, rinsed, and blown dry, he comes to the conclusion that morning quickies with his wife just got a bit more complicated.

* * * * *

“ _What_ is on your face?”

“A beard,” Ben answers, frowning confusedly as Jennifer Barkley barges into his office in early December. “And hello to you too, Jen.”

“A beard? No. That is not a beard. That is a small, unwelcome animal sitting on your chin.”

“It’s not–”

“No. You know what that looks like? Pubes,” she says, not even waiting for him to guess.

Ben was not going to guess that.

“I don’t think–”

“Right now? All those constituents of yours who are wondering what your pubic hair looks like? All they need to do is look at your face. _Old pube face_ ,” she taunts, crossing her arms and nodding aggressively at him.

“Wow. Alright, that’s a little rude but I’m also not quite sure how this is any of your business even.”

“Oh, it’s my business. In less than a year we’re going to be working on your reelection campaign. And I’m excellent, but this…” she trails off making some gestures with her hands in his direction. “It’s Indiana, not Alaska. Get rid of that thing.”

* * * * *

If anything, Jen’s assessment of his facial hair situation makes Ben want to keep the beard indefinitely.

But then…

Once the beard had really started going, the triplets had seemed tentative about it. They still knew who he was, they just didn’t seem to hug him or run and tackle him with kisses as much as they used to.

And really, that’s the thing that makes him want to end the experiment.

Sure, the extra beard washing every time he eats Leslie out is kind of a pain but the kids not wanting to cuddle him as much is breaking his heart.

Leslie tries to patiently explain that it’s “still daddy” under there and that his _chin was cold so he grew a scarf_ , but that doesn’t seem to help much.

Ben goes out of his way to affectionately hug and kiss Wes, Stephen, and Sonia but he can’t shake the feeling that they’re a little scared of the beard the longer and bushier it gets.

One night in mid-December they’re tucking the kids into bed and he asks Sonia for a kiss goodnight.

“Noooooooo!” She yells and jumps out of bed and runs behind Leslie.

“Oh, honey, it’s okay.”

“Daddy is a _bearwolf_ ,” his daughter insists, as Wes and Stephen look on from their beds and nod with wide eyes.

Ben shaves it all off that night and in the morning he wakes his kids up with kisses and cuddles and a completely smooth face.

“Daddy!” Sonia screams, patting his soft and bare cheeks enthusiastically.

His beard was pretty awesome and all, but having his three year old daughter happily hug and kiss him back this morning is much, much better.


End file.
